Star Crossed Legos
by Deathstroke Terminator
Summary: In one world they were Lord Business (Micromanager extraordinaire) and Huntress (crime fighting daughter of Batman). In the other they were the Man and Woman Upstairs, a married couple with two children and a love for Legos. To Vitruvius this was a sign that the two were meant to fall in love. Batman however begs to differ . . . Cracky One-Shot


Summary: In one world they were Lord Business (Micromanager extraordinaire) and Huntress (crime fighting daughter of Batman). In the other they were the Man and Woman Upstairs, a married couple with two children and a love for Legos. To Vitruvius this was a sign that the two were meant to fall in love. Batman however begs to differ . . . Cracky One-Shot

This is just an idea that came to me. When watching the movie I kept thinking 'So Emmitt is the son, the daughter is the Duplo characters, and the father is Lord Business . . . but who's the mom supposed to be?

I kept trying to think of how I should represent the wife in the Legoverse. I wanted her to be interesting. After all she was an actual person from the movie being represented in Lego form. In my opinion that warranted making her character interesting in some way. I toyed with the idea of making her an artist, or perhaps the person in charge of Taco Tuesdays after Lord Business stepped down from power but in the end I thought it might be more interesting to represent her as an actual Lego character.

And for those who are unfamiliar with DC comics Huntress is an actual character and the biological daughter of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle in an alternate universe.

By the way this story takes place before during and after the Lego movie just to clear things up.

* * *

Chapter 1

Star Crossed Legos

* * *

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in forever", Batman drawled shooting Vitruvius his infamous (and trademarked) Batglare.

"Batman's right", Catwoman purred in agreement off to the side with a bored little swish of her tail. "Our sweet little girl, in love with that monstrous Lord Business? It's _puuuur_fectly laughable."

Vitruvius merely shook his head solemnly at the disgruntled pair. "I'm afraid you are incorrect. You see this morning while I was meditating I had an unusually clear vision of the Man Upstairs. In this vision I discovered that not only does the Man Upstairs have an uncanny resemblance to Lord Business but he also has a wife- who I shall now dub the Woman Upstairs- who happens to very strongly resemble your daughter, the Huntress. It is my belief that the Man and Woman Upstairs are Lord Business' and Huntress' counterparts from another dimension that heavily influences our own."

Batman scoffed loudly at the old man's claims. "You _saw_ them? Uh, _hellllloooo_? You're _blind_ dude. Did you forget that you can't see squat?" Batman asked him unabashedly. "You couldn't have possibly seen the Man Upstairs. You were probably just having a senior moment or something stupid like that."

Vitruvius glared venomously at Batman for his blatant rudeness. "Of course I didn't _see_ them you dunderhead. I had a vision- a _vision_. Do you even know what a vision is?"

Batman shifted uncomfortably at the old man's words. Scratching the back of his head with one of his Batarangs and avoiding the man's glowing white eyes he replied, "Uhh, yah, duh. Everyone knows what a vision is . . . everyone but Catwoman that is. You should probably explain it to her . . ."

Annoyed for being wrongfully called out, Catwoman hissed and glared at Batman for his ploy to save himself face. "Hey now-", she began only to be cut off by Vitruvius who pulled out a dictionary and flipped to the page that said vision at the top.

"Oh, well in that case, a vision is the act or power of anticipating that which, will, or may come to be. I hope that answers your question Miss Catwoman, ma'am."

With an irritated roll of her eyes Catwoman purred "Before you said that Lord Business and our sweet little Huntress were destined to fall in love. What makes you so sure of this?"

"As I already explained Lord Business and Huntress' counterparts are happily married, not to mention the chemistry between them! (well, technically they've never met before but I'm sure they'll have chemistry together once they meet). I mean, it's like the tail of Romeo and Juliet. They both come from feuding 'families' and . . . well, that's about where the similarities end but that's not the point!" Here Vitruvius' eyes turned a blinding shade of white and an invisible breeze whipped at his clothes and hair despite the fact that they were indoors.

"_Soon you will see_

_Lord Business and Huntress are simply meant to be!_

_It is true,_

_The legos two, _

_Are faited lovers,_

_Who will one day share their covers!_

[Here Catwoman made a horrified noise of disbelief while Batman hurled]

_Yes, Star Crossed Legos they are_

_And from one another they will never be far_

_So stop your incessant whining _

_Over their inevitable aligning!_"

"So what do you think?" Vitruvius asked them eagerly. "I personally think I've got this whole rhyming prophecy thing down but it's always nice to get a second opinion."

". . ."

Perfectly blank faced Batman walked up to Vitruvius and Batslapped him so hard that the old man's head spun around in a circle not once, not twice, but _three_ times before it finally stopped in the right position. "Yah, that's not gonna happen you senile old man, and do you know why it's not gonna happen?"

"Because you're Batman?" Vitruvius inquired on a hunch.

"BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!" Batman screamed back only with much more enthusiasm than Vitruvius had expressed as he glared at the old man.

Off to the side Catwoman shook her head with an exasperated sigh. "Why am I in love with you again?"

Batman, who heard her question, smirked and it was then that Catwoman caught her mistake. "Aww, kitty litter", she cursed under her breath.

"BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!" he shouted in reply as Catwoman swung away from the scene in exasperation with the use of her whip.

* * *

Huntress came to with a groan.

The first things she noticed upon awakening was that her head was throbbing painfully, her eyesight was blurry, and that her heartbeat was pounding in her ears like a drum. She was only faintly aware of the fact that she was tied to a chair before a familiar face came into her line of vision.

"Wake up!" the man snapped impatiently when she didn't rouse fast enough for his liking.

The malice in Bad Cop's tone was enough to startle Huntress from her sleepy stupor while the obscenely loud volume of his harsh command instantly put her on edge.

"Golly", Huntress whined flipping her long black hair out of her face casually. "No need to be so loud Bad Cop."

"Cut the cuteness Huntress and tell me where the other Master Builders are hiding", Bad Cop snarled and invaded her personal space by leaving only a few inches between their faces.

Huntress merely gazed back at Bad Cop through half lidded eyes, looking entirely unimpressed with his means of intimidation. "You don't scare me Bad Cop", she snorted. "I live in Gotham remember? I fight badies like the Joker and Killer Croc on a daily basis and compared to them you're nothing but a big softy with a fetish for beating up defenseless chairs."

"Don't sass me missy!" Bad Cop snapped and (ironically) hurled the chair he'd previously occupied across the room.

Huntress broke out into a fit of giggles at the sight. "What did that poor chair ever do to you Bad Cop?" she asked as he continued to kick said piece of furniture.

Good Cop chose that moment to make his appearance and twirled their head around so his face was showing. "She does have a point", Good Cop pointed out with an innocent little tilt of his head. "You do seem to have the habit of harming chairs whenever something happens to go wrong. . ."

Huntress smiled brightly at the sight of the Good Cop. "_Heeeey cutie~_" she cooed sweetly. "Care to stick around this time? We never got coffee like you promised we would!"

Bad Cop's head flipped back around with a scowl at her suggestion. "I already told you not to flirt with Good Cop you darn Master Builder!"

"I know", Huntress informed him with an uncaring shrug of her shoulders. "I just decided not to follow your orders."

Good Cop's head twisted back around to give her a bashful look. "Awww, that's really sweet. Not many people disobey Bad Cop for me", he admitted shyly with a cute little smile.

Huntress watched as Bad Cop seized control of their body and punched Good Cop in the face. The action caused their head to spin around and Bad Cop's head to face forward again. "Enough games", he snarled in that lilting voice of his that was so different from Good Cops goofy one and pressed his face directly against Huntress' with a menacing glare. "The boss wants to have a word with you and I'm sure he won't be happy to hear you're not cooperating."

"T-the boss?" she sputtered suddenly, choking on her own spit in her panic.

Bad Cop smirked at her reaction, pleased to finally break her casual façade and find the fear that lay underneath it. "That's right Huntress. Not so brave now are we?"

At Bad Cop's taunt Huntress managed to regain her cool and shot Bad Cop an indifferent look. "I'm not afraid. None of the members of the Bat Clan fear that coward Lord Business!"

Bad Cop chose that moment to pull away from her personal space with a smirk and a sinister chuckle. "Whatever you say Baby Bat", he mocked, making a move for the door.

Before he left Good Cop spared her an apologetic look. "We can still get coffee sometime right Huntress?"

Huntress opened her mouth to reply only to be cut off by Bad Cop who quickly suppressed his other half.

"No", Bad Cop responded quickly. "You two will not be dating- especially not with us sharing a body!" he informed Good Cop grumpily.

"Spoil sport", Huntress complained but the Cop duo was already out the door of the interrogation room by the time she said it.

The moment she was alone Huntress pulled out a Baterang she had concealed in her outfit and began to hack away at the ropes binding her to the plastic chair. She was halfway through the ropes when the door flung open and Lord Business walked in flanked by several of his mindless robots. Lord Business had to bend over to enter the room since he was wearing some ridiculous outfit that made him at least five times as tall as she was which made for a pretty amusing first impression rather than a terrifying one.

"Stop her!" Lord Business shouted when he noticed her trying to escape her binds.

The robots were quick to remove the weapon from her hands and leave Huntress with no means of escape.

"Robots, I want you to find and melt whichever idiot is responsible for not removing all of the weapons from Huntress' person while she was knocked out!" Lord Business snapped, fire shooting from his hat menacingly in his anger.

"Yes sir", one of the robots in a suit said and seized one of the other robots by its arms and started marching it down the hall. Huntress could only assume that the robot in question was the one who failed to do his job correctly.

"Hey", Huntress drawled in order to get the man's attention when the robots left the room. "How do you get that nifty hat of yours to erupt into flames every time you're mad? Is there like a button you press or is it voice activated or something like that?"

Lord Business seemed to forget who he was talking to for a moment when he heard her question for he smiled and cheerfully explained, "Actually it's much more complex than that and- . . . . . . . . . . Wait a moment! I didn't come here to talk about my totally awesome hat of doom! I came here to talk to you about the prophecy!"

Huntress blinked rapidly at that. "The prophecy? What about the prophecy?"

"_Nooo!_" Lord Business near whined, stomping his foot so hard that all the furniture in the room (including Huntress) jumped a few feet in the air for a moment. "I meant the other prophecy!"

"The . . . other prophecy . . ." Huntress repeated hesitantly, looking truly perplexed. "I wasn't aware that there was another prophecy . . ."

"Well there is", Lord Business informed her with a scowl that said she should have already known this and that he was annoyed that he had to explain it to her. "It's about you and me actually."

"Oh?" Huntress questioned with a little tilt of her head.

"Yes", Lord Business confirmed looking rather dodgy all of a sudden. "_Yuuup_", he drawled and coughed into his hand uncomfortably.

"Uh huh . . ."

". . ."

"Are you going to tell me about it or not?" Huntress snapped in annoyance at the man's sudden coyness. To be honest it was sort of weirding her out. I mean here was her sworn enemy acting like some clumsy school boy (and it certainly didn't help that he had those ridiculous- and somewhat intimidating- leg extensions on).

"Yes, well", he stammered coughing into his hand and avoiding her eyes. "The prophecy . . ."

"Yaaaaaah?" Huntress encouraged him, leaning forward in her seat in anticipation.

"It's about us", he added.

"You already said that", she pointed out dryly.

"It's about us . . . getting married", he admitted finally.

Huntress opened her mouth to say something only to close it when no words came to mind.

Lord Business smiled at her reaction- or lack thereof- no doubt thinking that her absence of an immediate protest meant she consented to be his brushing bride to be. "Great! I'll announce our wedding to the rest of the Universe after tonight's new episode of '_Honey Where Are my Pants?_'!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- what are you talking about you psycho!? I'm not going to marry you!" Huntress spit angrily. "You're my enemy, not to mention this is the first time we've ever met face to face before!"

Lord Business frowned at her hostility but if he was being honest with himself he had expected this to happen. He was just kind of hoping it wouldn't have gone down this way. With a careless shrug he said, "No matter. I'll just have my Robots put you in the Think Tank until I can finally manage to unleash the power of the Kragle upon the Universe. Then once I perfect everything and everyone I can give you a Presidential Pardon and we can live happily ever after as man and wife!"

"What- No!" she snarled but she was already being dragged out of the room by some generic robots and Lord Business wasn't listening. He was too busy immersing himself in his own little fantasy world of perfection to pay her protests any mind.

* * *

Huntress was locked up in the Think Tank for six months before the Special named Emmet saved all the Master Builders from their prison. During her time in the Think Tank Huntress was fortunate enough to be put next to her adopted brother Nightwing and her friend Flash, both of whom had been captured in a failed attempt to overthrow Lord Business. Their captures took place a good month before Huntress herself was caught so they were all pleased to see each other again.

Nightwing had been quick to explain the prophecy Vitruvius had made about her and Lord Business when Huntress asked him if he knew anything about it. Apparently Batman had forbidden anyone to tell her about it on the grounds that 'Vitruvius is a senile old man who doesn't know squat about squat' which her adopted brother was quick to point out were Batman's words and not his.

After Emmet saved the day everything went back to the way it had been before Lord Business took over. Huntress herself had not been alive during that time so she was especially delighted by this new world where everyone could be as creative as they wanted.

The first thing Huntress did after everything was said and done was get a cup of coffee with Good Cop and Bad Cop.

Yes, you read that right. She was friends with Bad Cop now. It turned out he had a change of heart sometime during the final battle and he was actually a nice guy now.

Bad Cop however wasn't the only one who seemed to have a change of heart during the final battle.

At the moment Huntress was sitting on a park bench in Lego City enjoying the sight of people creating whatever came to mind. It truly was a beautiful sight.

The moment was lost when she heard someone clear their throat in an awkward cough behind her. Before the person could utter a word Huntress punched them so hard in the face that their head turned around in a full circle.

"Ow, ow, ow! That really hurt!" Lord Business cried, clutching at his face in pain and whining like a complete baby. ". . . Although I probably deserved it", he muttered to himself with a pouty frown.

Huntress arched an eyebrow at him incredulously and echoed, "_Probably_?"

Lord Business glared at her but the look was more sheepish than it was angry. "Ok, I defiantly deserved it. Happy?" he muttered crossing his arms and looking away from her with a scowl.

"Yes", she admitted with a small smile as she brushed a piece of black hair out of her masked eyes.

"Really?" Lord Business questioned hopefully. Then, realizing how that sounded, he tried to play it off like he hadn't perked up at her admission by saying, "I mean- oh really? That's nice I guess."

"Yah?" Huntress asked him with a little chuckle.

Lord Business blushed at her odd behavior, seemingly flustered with the way she was talking to him. "Look, do you mind if I sit down next to you?"

"Sure, why not", she shrugged even going so far as to pat the spot on the bench next to her invitingly.

"Soo", he muttered awkwardly after he sat down.

"Soo", Huntress parroted back with no small amount of amusement. "Do you mind if I call you LB from now on?" she asked suddenly, randomly.

Lord Business blinked in surprise- he certainly hadn't seen that one coming. "Uhhm, I suppose not. Go ahead."

"You can call me Helena by the way", she added. "That's my real name if you were wondering."

"Oh." Lord Business didn't really know what to say to that. After all it wasn't often that superheroes just gave out their identities like that . . .

"Do you maybe want to hang out sometime and get to know each other?" Huntress asked him with that amused smirk that she always seemed to wear around him.

"But we're hanging out now . . ." Lord Business trailed off uncertainly, not catching on to what she was trying to say.

Huntress rolled her eyes in exasperation at his cluelessness. "No, I meant hanging out like _on a date _hanging out."

"Really?!" he exclaimed only to (again) play it cool a moment later. "I mean, that's acceptable."

Huntress snorted. "You know I really like you like this."

"Like what?" he muttered, blinking at her and fidgeting in his awkwardness.

"Like all stupid and full of fake bravado. In fact you're actually pretty enjoyable to be around when you aren't being a jerk face."

Lord Business smiled genuinely at Huntress' kind of compliment, something he hadn't done in over 8 and ½ years, and for a moment Huntress had to admit that maybe- _just maybe_- Vitruvius hadn't been dead wrong when he made that prophecy. . .

* * *

(1 year later)

"You may now kiss the bride."

With that said Lord Business dipped Helena Wayne down by the waist and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

In the audience Bruce Wayne was glaring daggers at Lord Business' back.

He did not approve.

Like at all.

Selina Kyle, always a perceptive one, caught his arm before he could throw the Batarang (that he'd pulled from golly knows where) at his former enemies back. "Seriously Bruce?" she scolded him with an unimpressed arch of her eyebrow.

"But Selina!" Bruce whined which was really funny considering how deep his voice was and the fact that he was supposed to be such a tough, scary guy.

"No '_buts_' Bruce", she told him and threw the Batarang somewhere off to the side so he wouldn't get any ideas.

Bruce soon got over his anger however when he noticed the Batarang had hit Emmet in the head.

"_Niiiiice_", Bruce muttered under his breath in smug satisfaction. Despite making amends with Emmet he still loved picking on the kid. One could even go so far as to call it a personal hobby of his (not that he'd ever admit that to Lucy- she was pretty terrifying when she was angry. In fact she was so terrifying that whenever the Scarecrow gassed him it was Lucy that tormented him with her ceaseless nagging and hard hits instead of his parents showing disappointment in him like it used to be).

"Ow! What the huh?" Emmet muttered as he picked the Batarang up from the floor with a perplexed look on his face.

"Oh real mature Bruce", Lucy yelled at him from where she sat across the aisle when she caught sight of his signature weapon.

"What?" Bruce muttered in quiet outrage at being blamed for something he didn't do. "But it wasn't me!"

"Yah right", Emmet scoffed with a quick roll of his eyes before he let the matter slide and went back to watching the wedding in peace.

"Thanks a lot Selina . . ." Bruce grouched petulantly.

* * *

(The next day at Wayne Enterprises)

"And from that day forward Helena Wayne and Lord Business shared their covers every single night till the end of forever!" Ghost Vitruvius said matter of factly. "_Ha, ha, ha~!_ And you said that my prophecy couldn't possibly come true Batman! Well who's laughing now? That's right! It's _meeeeeee_!"

Without looking up from his paperwork Bruce Wayne Batpunched Vitruvius in his ghost face. "Batman always gets the last laugh."

Then, looking up from his paperwork with a far too cocky smirk on his face Bruce said, "And Batman _always_ gets the last word."

* * *

Fin~

Heh. I hoped you guys liked that. In the end it turned out being more of a crack fic than a romantic one but oh well. I'm still pretty pleased with it ;) And also-

*_Bruce comes running and shoves me aside_*

"I said Batman always gets the last word! And I meant that Deathstroke Terminator (any relation to Slade Wilson by the way Miss Author? Hmmm?)!"


End file.
